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Mummy Slicer!

Have you ever had that elastic band feeling? The one where you are stretched and stretched until you either ping (and really hurt yourself) or snap under the pressure.

I am being stretched in every direction by three little ‘tinkers’ who all want a piece of Mummy at exactly the same time and are no longer willing to share to my lap.

This could be for many reasons. Maybe because they are bigger my lap is no longer comfortable with only a bit of a leg to rest on? Or maybe they are just such adoring affectionate children that Mummy cuddles are a complete necessity to function? Or maybe it just that whatever one has the other one wants and they will do anything to get it! Yes I am afraid that is what it is and Mummy is the golden crown!

The golden crown means dominance, power and can rule over all! Or so they seem to think. It is bizarre, they have gone from such delightful children who…..(*Conscience comes to speak to me* ‘Now stop Multiple Mummy…just STOP! Delightful children before what? Before they moved? Spoke? Had their own personality and independence? You are being unfair here!) Yes conscience you are right, but life was so much easier when they were in moses baskets! Now it is all ‘Mine’, and ‘Up Up’ and ‘Mummy Mummy Mummmmmmmmmy!’ I do know I have delightful children and I am hoping this is just a tough phase – it is guilt that makes me feel this way.

I wish there was such a thing as a Mummy Slicer that could divide me up equally like a pizza. I spend most of my day feeling guilty about not being able to give them individual quality time.

The 1:1 attention that BBneeds to do a puzzle or make something with play dough without the other two demolishing all he has accomplished. The girly time with Little Madam, pushing her buggy and tucking baby up in bed or reading a book and my Chilled out boy who would love to play towers or have an indulgent Mummy cuddle without his sister or brother trying to push him out the way.

So how does a Mummy share herself? Especially with three so close together in age. How can I give them the quality time they need and deserve. I am finding this really hard. I feel bad because when you have your 1st child they get so much undivided individual care but mine are having to learn to share, wait and be patient and how to only have one slice very young. Is this fair? Is this normal? I would definitely appreciate some advice on this one.

x

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9 comments to Mummy Slicer!

  • MuMuGB

    I am afraid I don't know the response to your question. But please, keep a slice of pizza for you. Don't forget to be you-it is difficult with little ones …take care & keep us posted…

  • this is us

    Just read your post and I'm thinking maybe us mummies all have to get used to feeling guilty! Have you thought about giving half an hour undivided attention to a different child each day, set the other 2 up with something, or someone to occupy them, if that's possible. You could do a chart so each knows what day is theirs. But the best thing is to stop worrying, my husband is one of 3 and I'm an only child, and from discussing our childhoods I don't think he had any less attention than me, plus he had the constant companionship of his siblings! Good luck, Nat.

  • Frankie P

    Hi, i have the same thign with my two and there is 3 years difference. You will find as they get older they start to understand that they need to wait or that you only have 1 pair of hands. which is what i am constantly telling my oldest..

  • TheBoyandMe

    Finally I can comment!

    It's because they love you so much that they want to spend so much time with you. Treasure that feeling; there will come a time when the boys will want their daddies not us and that breaks my heart :-( Until then I'm snatching up every second I can, in between work.

    I know how tiring it is and how you want to just lock yourself in the loo for five minutes and scream, but we can't. We are their whole world and they're still experiencing varying degrees of separation anxiety.

    I like the idea above of spending half an hour with each child. I'm the youngest of four, dad didn't give much support at all. Once a week, three of us would go to nan's for Saturay afternoon while mum would spend a few hours with the other one. Loved it!

  • Mummy...Mummy.....MUM!!

    Hiya, as I said in my tweet I totally empathise as I feel exactly the same with my three. I'm quite lucky in that I only have all 3 on mondays and fridays when pretty much anything goes to get us through the day :-) . I do try and have some time alone with Z doing some puzzles or playing a game while the girls sleep, and I try and read them all a few stories separately ( doesn't always work so well). there are some activities we can all do while baby H watches, like play doh, or drawing and baking.

    On Tuesday S is in nursery so thats Z's day, we go out with his friends and then swimming lesson followed by hot chocolate.

    Wednesday I just have the baby so thats her day. Thursday Z is in nursery so we see S's friends and she does gymnastics!!

    Its all very crazy busy, and lately I have been totally unorganised, but it seems to work. Although I still feel very guilty.

    Is that any help?

    x

  • Mrs R

    I really realte to this post. I have two kids so I'm sure I have it a little easier but mine are only 17 months apart so it can be really demanding and tiring and very hard to have 1:1 time with each as the eldest isn't at school yet. tbh I haven't found a way to give proper long 1:1 time to each but even some short time is enough. I read books to my son that are more for his age or play the wii with him and then I spend some cuddle time or colouring with my daughter even if it's only 15 mins. I think also because my eldest can't remember a time when his sister wasn't around he doesn't know any different. This is how life is so he's not aware of missing out on just me and him time. Aside from the normal struggles we face with preschoolers we are all very close and I know they feel secure and loved. As they get older and start going out doing their own thing it'll be asier to do things with each child separately. This may or may not help but you sound like you're doing a great job already. Try babycentre.co.uk for info coz I got a lot of help from the site last week :)

  • Mrs R

    I just posted a big comment but somehow it hasn't worked. Just saying I feel your pain when it comes to giving attention to each child. Even a small amount of time which each child is enough, 10 mins or so to read a story to just one of them while the others play. Mine are 17 months apart and my eldest doesn't remember a time when his sister wasn't around so this is just the way life is to them. He isn't aware of missing out on just me and him time. So long as they are loved and feel secure they'll be great and you sound like you're doing a great job as it is :) x

  • twinsmumplusone

    As I had my twins first none of my 3 have ever experienced being an only child but I know exactly what you mean and I don't think I've got it cracked yet!

    However, it does get easier as they get older (well in this respect anyway!). They will have different social activities, clubs etc, be invited to different parties and be more independant which will give you more time to spend with the other(s).

    As an example, today – I don't work fridays so I had my youngest with me (lovely!), then after school my older daughter helped make a salad with me while the other 2 did their own thing. Daddy came home and after tea bathed the little one while I did extra reading with my son (who is suspected to be dyslexic). The electronic babysitter (the TV) entertained his twin sister – who to be fair is quite good at entertaining herself.

    I'm trying to think back to when they were younger – at the weekend when daddy is around I/he would take one when running errands or have a girls / boys day every now and then (generally built around other things that needed doing).

    You'll also find as they get older that they will gravitate to the things they enjoy most – so if daddy is cutting the grass my son will end up out there and the girls may well be creating some sort of craft master piece inside (I swear that they have not been forced into stereotypical roles – they have been naturally drawn towards them!).

    I've also allowed the youngest to participate in activities more suitable to the older ones but I focus on helping them master the task and just let her do her own thing (i,e, writing or cooking).

    Most importantly, try not to feel guilty – I'm sure that it will all work out in the end and you clearly love them to bits which surely has to be the most important thing? x

  • twinsmumplusone

    As I had my twins first none of my 3 have ever experienced being an only child but I know exactly what you mean and I don't think I've got it cracked yet!

    However, it does get easier as they get older (well in this respect anyway!). They will have different social activities, clubs etc, be invited to different parties and be more independant which will give you more time to spend with the other(s).

    As an example, today – I don't work fridays so I had my youngest with me (lovely!), then after school my older daughter helped make a salad with me while the other 2 did their own thing. Daddy came home and after tea bathed the little one while I did extra reading with my son (who is suspected to be dyslexic). The electronic babysitter (the TV) entertained his twin sister – who to be fair is quite good at entertaining herself.

    I'm trying to think back to when they were younger – at the weekend when daddy is around I/he would take one when running errands or have a girls / boys day every now and then (generally built around other things that needed doing).

    You'll also find as they get older that they will gravitate to the things they enjoy most – so if daddy is cutting the grass my son will end up out there and the girls may well be creating some sort of craft master piece inside (I swear that they have not been forced into stereotypical roles – they have been naturally drawn towards them!).

    I've also allowed the youngest to participate in activities more suitable to the older ones but I focus on helping them master the task and just let her do her own thing (i,e, writing or cooking).

    Most importantly, try not to feel guilty – I'm sure that it will all work out in the end and you clearly love them to bits which surely has to be the most important thing? x

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