A parent is defined in the oxford dictionaries.com as ‘being a person’s father or mother.’ Well being someone’s mother or father is one thing but a parent is something all of its own and I don’t think it needs to require the process of birth or fertilisation. To me being a parent is providing a child with love, care and guidance in a safe and supportive environment. This all sounds simple and logical enough, until put into practice and it is not until that moment of having a child in your care for 100% of your time that you really begin to comprehend the intensity and seriousness of it all!
I was 26 when I had my first born. I don’t ever remember a moment of my life when I thought, ‘I don’t want children’, it was always a given, and too be honest something I really took it for granted to just happen. I always thought I would be around 30 but I never compensated for falling in love with someone 10 years older than me so there had to be a bit of compromise!
When we decided to start trying for a baby, nothing prepared me the disappointment to come when it didn’t happen that month. You spend all of your life up to that point, ensuring you don’t fall pregnant, willing your period to arrive, and then suddenly you don’t want one. It is a strange feeling. I was very lucky, I fell on my fifth month but friends of mine have not been so lucky and the heartache has been incredible.
Nothing however prepared me for that moment after the birth. I remember going up to the ward and I kept staring at him, thinking ‘that’s my baby…that really is my baby!’ Then thinking, ‘Now what do I do?’
You do seem to move in autopilot and slowing things star to make sense in terms of what they need, how they feel and their routine. But it is slow!
Six months after having Noah, I fell pregnant again, this time with twins! It was not a straight forward pregnancy, I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum, and carried the pregnancy with a high risk of down’s syndrome. The whole time was filled with anxiety and newness. I just assumed second time pregnancy I would know what I was doing, but this was not the case. After a very quick and intense labour I was just so relieved that they arrived safe and sound!
They are now two and a half and 18 months. They bring joy to my life everyday (along with worry, anxiety and stress!) but cliché as it may be I feel I have found my purpose and role. As someone that has had to slog pretty much through everything in life with no hidden talents being a parent is something that I strive to do well! Indeed, it is the hardest job I have ever done, but equally is the most rewarding. It is constantly shifting and changing, the stages are different for each child as so are their personalities. There is no time to be bored! Frustrated maybe, perplexed definitely but not bored!
I think parenting is probably the biggest responsibility. We are shaping and moulding a little person to adulthood. We want them to respect and care, to have moral fibre, to be confident and independent and achieve to the best of their ability. I am not sure if I have achieved all of those and I am 28! I am just hoping for the best! In my eyes anyone can be a mother of a father, but a parent is a whole different ball game and one is am still trying to accomplish and still have so much more to witness and find out about. It is a life time of learning and something that you cannot really gain qualification in or receive feedback. With the help of my gorgeous children and fabulous husband I hope we get there as a family.
|My three blessings ages 3 months and 18 months|