As you know it was Kerry’s funeral on Friday and I was delighted that the blogging community were represented by Liska (NewMumonLine), Annie, (Mammasaurus), Helen (Actually Mummy), Helen (Crazy Kitchen), Lucy (Dear Beautiful) and of course Emma (mummymummymum.com and Science Sparks).
There is a lovely post about the funeral at http://newmumonline.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/today-4th-january-2013-multiple-mummys.html.
I also know that so many of you wanted to be there and once again ‘twitter’ was lit up by messages for the incredible and inspiring Multiple Mummy.
Therefore, this post has not been written for the blog. It was written for darling, my inspiration as a tribute at a ‘Thanksgiving Service’ for her wonderful life. It was suggested to me that the blogging world would like to see it.
“Kerry would often ask me, ‘Do you think people like me?’ I think today has answered that. I have received so many cards that have started with the phrase, ‘there are no words’. I cannot agree more and what ever I say now will not do Kerry justice nor are there words that can describe my devastation at the loss of my darling, my soul mate.
Kerry planned this day; we had discussed it way before the tragedy of that Sunday morning in July. The music was her choice and she always wanted a woodland burial. Her final resting place is under the tree on the back of the Order of Service, peaceful, beautiful and somewhere the children can visit and collect leaves, observe and chase wildlife, acting like children do and be close to their Mummy. Some people have said that she had a ‘sixth sense’ and she knew this was coming. A week before this happened, she looked particularly sad, now Kerry was someone who craved change and I asked ‘what’s up’?
She replied, ‘Nothing, I have never been so happy and content, it’s just that any change will be bad change’. Kerry was always right in any discussion, I just wished she had failed in that one.
It is very easy to focus on Kerry the most wonderful mother to our children but we must not forget that before ‘Multiple Mummy’ there was Kerry the beautiful daughter who needed a trail of chocolate buttons to make her crawl, the model student who was distraught any time she was reprimanded. She was particularly distraught when she was caught playing truant. Of course, Kerry hadn’t decided to go to the beach but was on her way home to revise for a French exam because there was a cover teacher and she couldn’t concentrate in the class.
My prayers are with Sandra who has not left Kerry’s side for the last five months. A know people talk of a special relationship between mother and daughter but there was no doubting this one, they were more like best friends. The hours they spent on the phone and I mean hours, even if they were meeting each the next day for a shopping trip. Kerry would so enjoy those shopping days or trips to the Ideal Home Exhibition. She would leave first thing in the morning and not return until dark. One of the things I will miss is Kerry returning home laden with bags and then taking each bargain out one by one.
There is Kerry the loyal and caring sister and of course dance partner in many family productions performed in front of mum and dad and grandparents. She always promoted Owen’s music and was so looking forward to being a bridesmaid for Lisa and Chris’ wedding.
She had so many close friends; she was always honoured to be a godparent or a bridesmaid. Do not be angry and do not let this change you. Kerry loved you for who you are, do not feel you cannot go out and have a good time, do not lose your faith; do not feel guilty for laughing again.
Kerry rarely drunk alcohol, she always preferred a hot chocolate or Mars milkshake instead of champagne. She didn’t need alcohol. She was relaxed in any situation and she had the knack of making every one else feel at ease. She could speak for hours to people she hardly knew, she walked into the room and her smile just lit up the entire room. When I am feeling sad I just need to close my eyes and see that incredible smile. Perhaps that what we should all do now. Think of that smile….
Although she had this wonderful innocence and naivety about her and was often a few minutes behind every joke, she was not a walkover. Working with patients with a severe psychological illnesses did not faze her and no teenager ever got the better of her in class. She had the most creative mind and spent hours working out ways to make science, exciting, accessible and relevant – the theory behind genetics was explained by the Harry Potter books. Her colleagues, parents and her students respected her. They looked forward to her lessons and not just to see at which point she would trip over or drop the equipment.
I was so proud of her and her blog. This was more than just putting the odd article on the site. She worked for hours on it. The response from this community was incredible. The prayer for Kerry trended at number 1 on twitter and she has had hundreds of posts dedicated to her. The bizarre thing is that she has not met most of these people. Only Kerry could get across her warmth, her humour, her sensitivity, her openness and honesty in a medium that is so impersonal and one where tone cannot be expressed. Kerry always says she never won anything and I am heartbroken that she may never have known about winning 2 National Awards for her blogging exploits. I have no doubt that the blog was going places and it is not an exaggeration that both multiplemummy and scienceparks had worldwide support. Any decent photo will always carry the phrase, ‘Now that would make a great Silent Sunday’
I am so lucky to have spent so many amazing years with her. We do not share the same interests in sport or dance but we shared the same values and beliefs and we agreed that family was the most important thing. That is why Christmas is so special to her and I am so thankful for the massive family Christmas of last year. She planned Christmas from Boxing Day. I didn’t need to buy the children’s stockings this year because they were already done by June. It is so fitting that the tree and decorations are still up and we shall leave the church lit up by the Christmas lights. The magic of our angel has already been at work. You can imagine my concern when Zachary asked for a frog for Christmas. But not just any frog but a ‘Blue Froggy’. Friends relatives searched far and wide, visiting every known toy shop but to no avail. Then Sandra found one, in the gift shop at Addenbrooks, you can just wonder who put it there.
Kerry was so thoughtful in all of her presents and she even managed to get me a 40th Birthday Present. I received the most beautiful hand made walking staff from her Uncle; the last thing she said to him was to ask him to make this for me.
Having children was always on our agenda and the dream of that Disney Family Life. She even had a drawer dedicated for items for our dream house picking up collectables on any trip. Of all the overseas adventures, nothing could match the wonderful summer of last year, Peppa Pig World, Center Parcs, the Lake District, good old fashioned family fun.
Kerry was my inspiration; she was so determined in everything she did. She knew my moods, she was so unselfish, we didn’t argue, we just knew when it was time to compromise. We cherished every moment, whether it be watching Les Mis, going to London, a short walk (with Kerry it was always going to be short), and our favourite evening was Sunday, a roast and snuggle up on the sofa…. Simple but perfect.
How I shall miss those evenings, I shall miss making that cup of tea every morning and then finding it half drunk an hour later. I shall miss the frustration of catching her eating a big bar of chocolate just before I am about to serve up dinner. I shall miss my drive home from work feeling excited about seeing my beautiful wife. I shall miss that Friday feeling knowing that we have a family weekend planned. I shall miss watching and admiring the magical relationship she had with all our children. Thankfully, we have so many photos of her and the children laughing, giggling and abundant with love. I shall miss everything.
Kerry has left us with the most magical legacy in our three wonderful children. She lives in every one of them. Noah, our thoughtful kind boy who shares his mother’s obsession for sorting things into an order, Florence who has definitely inherited her determination, her independence and ability to remain in total charge of the house. Zachary who also has the ability to give everybody a feeling of warmth with his smile and laugh, has also inherited the clumsy gene and like his mother can knock a drink over from a hundred yards. She was the most incredible mother and words cannot express how I feel about them missing out on her love in the future.
In our song, our first dance, the lyrics say ‘taking away my sadness and ease my troubles, that’s what you do’ The problem is you are not here to take away my sadness. However, this can’t be a sad song, every time I hear it I shall think of my gorgeous, wonderful wife and of course that beautiful smile and I can go to sleep knowing that the last thing you said to me was ‘I Love You’.”